Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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