I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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