wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
