Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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