3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
