He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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