Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
