just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
