cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
