I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
