Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
