"it" just moved
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
