the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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