I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
