I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
