there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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