So drunk its hurt
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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