You smell like a Billy Joel song
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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