No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
