Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
