Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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