WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
