Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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