dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
