So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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