She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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