Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
