I want you more than these girls want KFC
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
