Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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