Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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