i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
