Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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