I didn't shave. On purpose
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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