I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
