I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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