he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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