Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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