He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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