put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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