Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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