Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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