Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
