we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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