you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize