How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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