Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
