it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize