just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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