She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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