how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
