im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
