Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
