if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
