Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
