All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
