i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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