She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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