That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
