im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
