So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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