Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
