do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize