he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
