how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
