So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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