You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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