The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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