Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
