lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think my mom watched the whole time
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
