I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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