I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
