Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
