I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
