Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
