Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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