I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
