toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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