Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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